Anti and matter battle in me

I live with my antimatter

I live with it every day

I collide, I rupture, I detonate

I never cease to cease a catastrophe 

The matter and, 

the antimatter

Are eating my white and,

grey matter

I’m yet to find-

Which one is “friend"

and, which one is “foe" matter

I suffer minor explosions every day

I heal myself in every way

They say it’s not good to be anti-christ-

a devil may enter through an unholy hole

But fucking satan refuses to buy my soul

He just sits in me

Busy buying other mortal souls

I can’t make a bargain

I am too afraid of the darkness

It(s)aint-

going to touch my matter

It(s)aint-

going to blow my matter

It(s)aint-

neither a friend, 

nor a foe

I still wake up with both colliding 

The moment my brain comes to know

That it’s awake

And still combatting 

a battle of reasons, anti or not

Leaving me freakishly exhausted

How am I, then, expected,

to face the social nonsense?

With the two explosive poles 

Knitted in one, half mine, soul  

The day I erupt

I’ll cry tears of lava

Scream the whirlpools

Smell vengeance

And hear no more

I don’t cease catastrophe

I, definitely, won’t cease the forthcoming 

The bottle is bottled up, 

to brim

I will let it flow

Not because it needs to,

Because it will

As is the law of physics

Anti and matter 

Don’t exist together

If they do

You’ll never see the light of the day

or the dark of the night

You would only see

the unseen,

the unheard,

And I want to see that,

happening, in me..